I find myself in a tired, frustrated state, even after an actual day off yesterday. A day off on a Saturday should be a weekly occurrence that is a given, not a rare occurrence to be relished. I am sitting here now thinking about everything that needs to be done that is not done, yet I do not feel guilty about taking the day off yesterday. Instead, I find myself wanting to take a great deal of time off to reset and refocus.
Tell me again what my goals were for 2022? What exactly have I accomplished this year? What is the source of my discontentment?
I am going far beyond expectations, and the reward is less than what it should be. The reward is not even what I expected should I meet expectations, not significantly exceed expectations. It is as simple as that. I can further my disappointment if I compare my efforts to others and their standing, and it scares me that my mind drifts there. One of my core beliefs is that an equation of happiness never factors in the reality of unfairness. Unfairness is a reality in every aspect of life beyond one’s control. A key to happiness is to ignore the reality that there will always be those who are rewarded more for doing less.
So, what matters to me? What needs to change for me to be happy? First, I need to reset my goals. I am not on track for meeting my five-year goals; worse, I am not on track for meeting my five-year goals in a restated time horizon of ten years. I could be angry, but I am not. It is my responsibility to think about myself. I have not been thinking about myself. I have been thinking about my commitments and loyalties to others, to others that are not even loyalty to one another. I am committed to something that is not committed to itself. That is entirely my fault.
Today, is the start of a new day, and a new way of thinking. I am going to take the week to reset my five-year goals and my long-term goals. Then I am to focus on making these goals a reality. I can pull myself into a state of depression for passing on a huge opportunity out of loyalty, or I can focus on building myself and preparing for the next great opportunity. I choose the latter.
Being ready for the next great opportunity, whether it is something new where I am now, or a new place altogether, begins with setting goals, so that I can identify the opportunity. Second, it means keeping focused and motivated. In an era of “the great resignation” and “silent quitting”, it can be difficult to show up every day to meet my own great expectations of giving 100% and then some.
Why not just become like those around me? They have more decision-making power and recognition in the firm than I do. They cast the persona of “Pig Pen” onto me without consequence. They are empowered in every aspect of the firm’s operations; meanwhile, I am sacrificing in every way to make the firm that they control successful. Why am I doing this? The answer is simply because that is not who I am.
I can let the present situation burry me, or I can be me, and I can rise above it. Rising above it begins with goal setting, a reset and refocus on what matters to me, and most importantly keeping the mindset of having great expectations of myself day in and day out, in a world that champions politics and individual selfishness.
Deep breath. I can do this. But first I am going to grab a of coffee and snuggle my fur kids. It is the simple things in life.